Preaching to the Choir

"It is so strange how sometimes life just takes us over and makes us its own. I mean, we're supposed to live day-by-day as strangers just passing through this world on our way to heaven, and yet this place, this existence, grabs hold of us by our t-shirts and has a way of shaking us until we can't ignore it anymore. That's what it has felt like this week, anyway."

These are the first phrases in that infamous 'book' I'm supposed to be writing. As for the book, they are probably a terrible beginning, but in review, they are so deeply true of my life. At the time, I was describing the loss of a pet. Recently--meaning today--I find the aspects of life grabbing and shaking me are ones even uglier than death.

I am in the process of seeing clearly the depth of unforgiveness, jealousy, hatred and fear residing within me. You'd think I would have explored all this the past several weeks waiting for a miracle for my mom. Nope. I clung like duct tape to God through all that. So what does He do? Send me a whole new set of circumstances that truly tests my character. And I'm failing miserably.

The book continues...

"This journey isn't really about the pain and grief of loss. Maybe our whole journey of life is about the people and places and things we give the pieces of our eternal selves to. And what experiences in our lives influence how well, how often, how completely we do that giving. We were built to withstand the grief that comes with the territory of loving, because that was God's grandest gift to us. He sent His Son to die in our place because when He counted the cost, love would gain more than it lost.

It can be a long way to travel, sometimes, on the trail to true love. Not the romantic kind of love, which is clouded over with the idiosyncrasies of people, but love that really speaks of God's character. So many of the great passages that comfort us from the Scripture were forged in the darkest suffering the authors knew. The places where they truly saw themselves, and then looked toward God.

My own journey has taken me down a trail tailored by sorrow. Many of you, too, have been down paths that give you the dubious privilege of being able to identify with the psalmist's phrase 'the valley of the shadow of death.' If you have already found the path up from that valley, let me rejoice with you. Let us share what we know of the places we all have walked and delight one another with the deliverance of God. If you are still there, in that time of weighty darkness pressing in on your soul, let's pray together for just a single ray of light that leads to the Savior and the wonders He can do with the travels you are struggling through. Be guided by a moment by something--SomeOne--greater than your circumstance, and see the grand hope that a God who redeems can, and does, provide."

Ever heard the phrase 'preaching to the choir?' In this case, I am both the preacher and the choir. It drives me crazy when people use my own words against me...even if that person is God. Now, how in the world do I go about pursuing a love that reflects His character? Love that gives wholly and fully not because it feels wonderful, but because there is a deeper, hidden joy in the sacrifice of choosing what does not come naturally. How do I love the circumstances that are shaking me to the core? How to I embrace the source of the sorrow? How do I change my tune from sarcasm to song? How do I regain that grand hope in God?

I suppose if this 'book' of mine had the answers to those questions, I could actually sell the thing!

"In the multitude of my anxieties within me,

Your comforts delight my soul"

-Psalm 94:19