Back to the Book

My book is in there, staring at me. Silently accusing me. I see it, I feel it. And it is making me crazy.

Currently it is an essay of sorts, 60 pages in total, most of which probably needs to be edited out. It is not an outline, or a plot construct, or anything else useful. It is my life, and it is preachy and wordy and I hate it.

It needs all sorts of work. Major work. The kind they do on Extreme Home Makeover. Where they destroy everything they started with and create something new and beautiful in its place. That is what my "book" needs; but I feel it in there, almost a living thing willing me to allow it to breathe. Now I sound creepy.

It could be because it is after 3 am. I should be sleeping. Who knew Starbucks made such strong coffee? I am not normally a caffeine drinker, and never thought twice about a venti at 8:30 at night. Now I sit here at the computer instead of snuggled in my bed. And on the one night in a week my youngest has slept through the night, too. My caffeine high will probably drain away about the time he decides to wake up.

So, what do my thoughts turn to at 3 am? The current sitcom? The list of things that need to be done tomorrow? People to pray for? Sure, those too. But what I really think about is that pathetic manuscript I keep in the closet. I haven't even looked at it in months. Haven't looked at this blog in months, either, actually. But my mind drifts back to it. It settles on me sometimes when I should be sleeping that I am missing the mark in this matter.

I was born to write. I know it, although the Lord alone knows why. I've got a story. I just have flat out no idea what it is...or how to tell it. If you were to take your life, choose a central theme for it, fictionalize it, create a cast of believable but not identifiable characters, throw in some conflict, a hero, and end with happily-ever-after....what would yours look like? No clue? Me either. If you've got some ideas, let me know so I can steal them.

And if you've stored up some spare moments of sleep, let me know that too. I have a feeling that I'll be wanting to steal them as well, when tomorrow....I mean today....rolls around.