Busted Blessings

Well, there is a first time for everything and yesterday proved it. God's free hot water heater began leaking as soon as it was installed. My husband and his buddy (who had just spent the last 4 hours installing the thing) made an emergency run to Home Depot where a brand new hot water heater was purchased. They installed this second one in record time, and I had water back just seconds before company showed up for dinner.

I have to say, this all-the-way new appliance works wonders. It heated the water so well we had to turn it down or risk a scalding straight from the tap! Still, this turn of events has left me worried in more ways than one.

My first question is to God: why? Classic question, and one which He is under no obligation to answer. Still, I find myself puzzled as to why He would send us a busted blessing. And my heart aches to have seen my honey work so hard and recieve no reward for his labors.

My next question involves our budget, which certainly didn't have space to spot us an all-the-way-new anything, let alone a water heater. Perhaps God has some other blessing in mind to help us through the hurdles of the rest of the month's bills, but can I trust Him since plan A seems to have come up empty?

Lastly, my subconscious has taken this whole scenario to heart in an unexpected way. I spent an unrestful night dreaming that I miscarried the baby. This pregnancy was as unexpected as a free hot water heater, but so much more essential now than even hot showers and sanitized dishes (and those of you who know me well understand how highly I value those things!). Is God preparing me for my blessing to be busted? Is my baby not quite right? Will labor loom with no reward?

I know, I know, the one has no connection with the other. But this is the paranoia of the pregnant mind. My consolatin came once again from Scripture.

Why are you in despair, O my soul?

And why have you become disturbed within me?

Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him

for the help of His presence.

--Ps 42:5--

My mistake? I praised God for His provision--the water heater. I praised God for His plan--the pregnancy. But I forgot to praise Him simply for His presence. Whether the water heater worked or not, it proved God was here and active in our life. Whether He gives me this child I carry, or not, it is proof that His presence and power overshadow me. I will spend today needing His continued provision--especially with the new strain on the budget--but I also hope to spend it fully resting in His constant presence.

Almost New

Ever had hand-me-down clothes? Bought a previously-owned car? I have often been blessed by someone else's cast-off stuff. Recently, I have once again had the opportunity to be very thankful for something second-hand. When you have an emergency home repair, but not the $500 to do it with, you tend to get a little desperate. We were in that situation with our hot water heater, and God--using some wonderful people from our church--sent over a practically new one to replace ours.

Now, if you know us, you realize we almost always have to settle for "almost new." I discovered long ago that this is because my husband is so very gifted at fixing stuff that he is God's private recycling center. God sends us some old piece of junk; Handy Hubby repairs it, then tweaks it, then cleans and shines it up. Voila! Good as "almost new."

It took several hours this evening of some serious fixing, tweaking, cleaning, and shining up to get that hot water heater ready to be installed. Have you ever imagined what it takes to refurbish a water heater? I had no idea--although I confess I usually don't. My miracle man spent ages getting all the stinky sediment out of that thing--and this was after hours of fighting with fittings which refused to remove themselves. At this end of all this labor, he looked down into the tank with a flashlight only to discover a big rusty spot in the bottom of it. This means that the tank could rust out at any time, leaving our lower level flooded with 40 gallons of hot water and making carnage of the flooring, drywall, furniture and toys which reside in our family room.

Our dilemma: to install or not to install this thing. In discussing our options (getting a brand new water heat is not one), we asked two main questions. First, would this much newer tank be better, at least temporarily, than the one we have now? Our old heater has been resurrected repeatedly recently by the aforementioned handyman. With it, too, we risk re-experiencing the flood without the benefit of an ark. Second, would God really give us such a great gift--which He, of course, knew would cost so much in frustration, time and effort even if it were free in dollars and cents--and not allow it to be usable? In all the times I've watched my sweetheart sweat it out to repair some one's stuff, it has never--really, never--turned out at the end to be a wasted effort.

So, tomorrow after church (where I will praise God once again for His provision--and pray fervently He won't allow it to become a burden) in will go our "almost new" hot water tank. And the next time His plan seems less than perfect--like a surprise pregnancy?--perhaps I'll be better prepared to praise Him anyway, and plunge ahead in pure faith.

TGIF

Yes indeed, I am Totally Glad It's Friday...thank the Lord!!!! This has been an exhausting week, especially at work. I usually work 2 days a week, but this was one of those weeks I had to be here on Friday as well. It was a lonely day, since all my coworkers were gone on vacation and it was just me, myself, and the secretary. Matter of fact, it seems everyone in the world is on vacation this month, except the strange ones--who all had appointments with me!

I usually teach about eating for diabetes. I'm an expert at this (so saith the credentialing agency for diabetes educators), so it is relatively routine for me. My clients this week, however, have been anything but routine. I've had to talk about oxalates, purines (does anyone in the real world even know what these are???), and food interactions for heart medications. I've discussed in-depth blood pressure diets, low protein for kidneys, and high protein for malnutrition. I've had babies to 70 year olds, and almost everyone showed up--although not always on time. Due to staff vacations, I wound up doing the nurse's half of diabetic training for several pregnant women. And, in the midst of this, I've had to create from scratch several informational handouts, and actually started a folder at work titled "wacky diets you made need."

What I really need right now is a little less work, and maybe a little more wackiness. Some kind of simple relaxation to defuse, destress, and re-define a new perspective for my weekend. In a brief search for some silly way to accomplish this distraction, I came across the oddest ideas and suggestions. Here's a few you might like to try.

1. Have a pillow fight

2. Change your answering machine message to something strange or silly

3. Watch Lucille Ball in The Long, Long Trailer

4. Play spoons

5. Take up cyber karate

6. Research the geographical distribution of Exit sign colorations

7. Let your dog walk you

8. Learn to do tricks with bubble gum http://tvinjapan.com/blog/2007/11/01/not-exactly-tv-in-japan-amazing-train-station-illusion/

9. Create tree art (this one takes more than a weekend--actually it will take about a decade of weekends!) *see photo above*

10. Create new and interesting road signs. An example: Wizards' parking only. Violators will be toad.

Or, if you have some other suggestions, send your comments along and I'll see what works. In the meantime, TGIF!

Catnap

Do you have one of those people in your life who are constantly finding out that they have some new and rare medical problem by way of the internet? Well, now you do. I have discoverd that I have narcolepsy.

Narcolepsy is a sleep disorder caused by the brain's inability to regulate the body's sleep and wake cycle. Consequently, people with narcolepsy experience fleeting urges to sleep at unpredictable times of the day. When this urge becomes overwhelming, the body simply shuts off, and its lights out. My grandfather did this often--middle of the day, middle of a word, and suddenly he'd be sound asleep.

The first and main symptom of narcolepsy is EDS--excessive daytime sleepiness. I have finally found the explanation behind my constant lack of energy, my intense need to lie prone and unconscious for long periods of time, my sincere desire to sleep. Check this out:

"Generally, EDS interferes with normal activities on a daily basis,
whether or not patients have sufficient sleep at night. People with
EDS describe it as a persistent sense of mental cloudiness, a lack
of energy, a depressed mood, or extreme exhaustion. Many find that
they have great difficulty maintaining their concentration while at
school or work."
--http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/narcolepsy/detail_narcolepsy.htm

Now, admittedly, the other 3 major symptoms of narcolepsy have never happened to me. (Well, except maybe the vivid hallucinations, but who can blame a girl for dreaming?) I am just ecstatic to finally have some idea of why I literally yawn every hour on the hour, or why I have to will myself out of bed every morning--which I might not even do except that the baby's screaming drives me more than a little crazy. I consider calling in to work on a daily basis, and have been known to take naps between clients on my office floor. Surely there has to be something more wrong than simple pregnancy--and perhaps I've finally discovered what it is!

I've become terribly impressed with those who can get by on a mere 5 hours a night, who always seem to be ready to tackle a project or take a trip. Perhaps a little ADD is a good thing since it tends to keep people moving. I could easily become a rock, I have that much inertia.

I've also become terribly impressed with God. He NEVER sleeps. I get my 7 hours and my body's still crying for more, but check out Psalm 121:

...He who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, He who
watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

It's amazing that He is always ready, willing and able! I myself feel the need for a little nap............zzzzzzzzzz

Denial

So much for catching up on sleep. Last night was spent getting up at least twice an hour with a sick little boy. How many hours sleep does a mommy need, anyway? Apparently more than this one got!

Today was my second OB appointment. I'm really becoming discouraged with these visits. Today's consisted of being unable to hear the baby's heartbeat (supposedly "normal" for early pregnancy), and the equally disappointing announcement that they are going to push the due date back to February. February, for heaven's sake, is most of eternity from here!

I am in the process of choosing my coping mechanism. I think I have settled on denial. I will simply pretend that I have had enough sleep to function on. I will walk around as though I am through the first trimester and this nausea (the doc complained about my weight loss and I told her she was lucky it was so little!) will soon be gone. I will even probably continue to tell you--and everyone else--that this little blessing will arrive around Christmas. You can believe what you will, but right now the only sanity I have left is fantasy!

Playing Catch-Up

I feel like I have been playing catch-up all week. Catching up on paperwork, catching up on the housework, catching up on sleep. I figured I better take a moment to "catch-up" on this blog, since some of you have started to wonder why I haven't posted.

I have four answers to that question--teenager, toddler, baby, and pregnancy. I could add husband and dog to that list as well. Only one dog though, since after a brief flirtation with adopting an aussie puppy we have decided to postpone any canine additions to the family. The above-mentioned husband was quite relieved.

I finally got the insurance to approve my anti-nausea meds. I'm doing much better this morning. Never has a person so enjoyed a bowl of Fruit Loops! The other day at work a coworker asked me something about water retention during pregnancy--I told her it wasn't water I was most concerned with retaining, I just wanted to keep my lunch.

The last area of life I need to catch-up on is with God. He hasn't gotten a ton of attention this week, I have to confess. And despite that, yesterday He sent over a new (well, new to us) hot water heater for the house--for FREE. The best friends are always the ones that you can pick right up with no matter how long its been since you got together. Its so nice to never have to play "catch-up" with the really important people in your life. I'm so glad God is one of them...

Member of the Family

The current discussion is pets. It was a traumatic weekend for my sister- and brother-in-law as they had to take their 3 year old doberman back the the breeder. He's become too possessive of his people and actually attacked their beagle, who has seniority by a year or two. This happened on the tail of my husband's frustration with our own rather high-energy hunting dog--"Either call that breeder and have her come and get this dog or I'll take it back myself!"

In our case, it is not truly the dog who is at fault. When you buy a german shorthair pointer, you need to be prepared to give it plenty of daily exercise. And ours has become quite the couch potato--although not by her own design. She is overweight, yet constantly cruises the counters for food. When guests arrive, she jumps--literally--at the chance to greet them and be petted. She suffers, I think, from chronic boredom.

So, in went the electric pet fence. This will allow her to be outside safely without having to be hooked up on the trolley. Although she really doesn't want to be outside at all unless her people are. I did take a few minutes to play fetch today, and plan to make it a daily habit for at least one of us to wear her out a bit. Her inside annoyances need to be addressed as well...but we're taking baby steps here.

Speaking of babies, we signed up last spring to be raisers for the local Leader Dogs for the Blind. Then they sent me a letter that stated we were due to get our program pup in winter 2008/2009. Needless to say, I don't want to potty train a puppy in the dead of Michigan winter, and I don't want to think about adding a new pet and the "peanut butter cup" all at the same time. So, I think we will decline to participate until a more opportune time. And yet, one reason for looking into the program remains...

That reason is that the dog we currently have did much better last winter when we were fostering another dog. They played! She lost weight! She was better behaved! My babysitter swears that there is power in numbers--the more kids, she says, the more she gets done since they amuse each other. I am hesitant to apply this logic to our dog, but I confess to wondering if adding a canine might just reduce the stress our little pack has been feeling with its four-legged member.

My husband rolls his eyes at statements like this, but then confesses that I might be right. Of course, perhaps we have simply stepped over the line into complete insanity. After all, adding another kid wasn't in our plan, so why not another dog too? Perhaps we should consider naming the baby Noah--since apparently our household is destined to become something of a zoo.

Deep Breath...

Having had a few days to adjust, I am slightly less upset about the ultrasound results. Thinking back over previous pregnancies, the doctors have never been good at predicting when my children will arrive--3 weeks off the first time, 1.5 weeks the second time. I have decided they could easily be 3 weeks off again.

Also, I have had no cramping or spotting despite the bleeding they found, although I think I will push for some hormone level tests to be done at my next OB visit. I am having to walk through each day trusting that God has a good plan for this baby. Of course, that is how we are supposed to walk through every day He gives us, but I have found that only during pregnancy--when the health and well-being of my baby is largely out of my control--do I truly act as though I can't handle things on my own.

I have also had occasion to re-discover the blessing of the words "I prayed for you" this week when a good friend who is currently in the midst of quite a trial of her own told me in a recent conversation how she had prayed for me after the ultrasound. It was so comforting to know that she took the time to set aside her own pain and problems to pray for mine--even though everything is probably just fine with the baby, she didn't say so. Instead, she took my concerns to our Heavenly Father and asked Him to watch over His children--both me, and the little one within me. From hundreds of miles away, I felt as if she were holding my hand and giving me a shoulder to lean on. Amazing.

Even more amazing is that instead of simply holding my hand, God has inscribed me into His, as it says in Is 49:16a "See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands..." In His grasp, I can walk through disappointing test results still trusting.

Relief...and Worry

We have ultrasound results. The good news is, the peanut butter cup has a fluttery little blip representing a good heartbeat. The other good news is that there is just one of them floating around in there.

The rest of the exam was not as great, though. The measurements they got were small for my dates. This resulted in the decision to push back my due date--considerably. I really don't think I can handle the extra 3 1/2 weeks they've added. Plus, although the baby looks small at this point, I've always had monsters by delivery, and both were early. If they are wrong about the extra time, this one could easily be ten pounds before the allow me to have an induction.

They also found a small bleed. They weren't concerned about it, but of course I am. With my first pregnancy I had low hormone levels, and had to take supplements in order to keep the baby. Now I am very concerned that I might be having the same trouble this time, but thus far undetected since the bleed is internal.

The only thing explained by these rather disappointing results is why I'm getting such horrible nausea right when I ought to be feeling on the upswing. According to the ultrasound today, I'm still in prime morning-sickness territory. The downside is that this means weeks more until I feel almost human again. And in the midst of fighting with my insurance to cover my anti-nausea pills (to the tune of about $14 per pill), I'm not sure I have enough fortitude to deal with the rest of the concerns today's appointment has left me with.

My husband, bless him, holds me and says "Everthing is going to be fine." I don't really believe him right now, but he did inspire me to seek some comfort and courage from God.

"Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord"

--Ps 27:14

Pray for us, hey?

Happy 4th and Other Forgotten Things

I've been told that yesterday was a holiday, so Happy Fourth! My biggest moment was eating a banana split that hubby bought to share with me. He didn't get much...and he didn't complain since it contained more calories than I've managed to eat all week. I had actually forgotten what ice cream tasted like. Not to mention fresh banana.

I have spent most of the past week in bed, asleep. I never did go back to work after leaving the other day at noon. The anti-nausea meds are meant to be taken every six hours--I make it about 5 before I feel that familiar queasiness creeping back in. I remember it was much worse with the last pregnancy, but I confess I'm mystified why it would be getting so bad right at the end of the first trimester when I'm supposed to start feeling better again!

Today we will be at my parents' house for a family get-together. I have had to make crab salad and baked beans--both of which have scented the house well beyond my limit of tolerance. I've been keeping the windows open despite the chill I've taken from it. Still, they are worth it, since they have kept hold of the kids for the past few days so I could puke in peace.

My husband commented last night "So this is what life would be like without kids." We are strangers to that situation since our daughter was seven when we married. I think seven was a wonderful age to come into a child--I often tell her that it took 10 months to get her, but I didn't have to throw up once. Anyway, at the moment my dear significant other made his statement, I was calculating how much time remained before my next dose of medicine. I think he had forgotten about the one child I cannot possibly forget--the one living inside me and making this pregnancy as much a delight as the others...

I'm FINE

So, my mom calls me up today. I love her, y'know that? Anyway, first thing she says after "Hello" is "How are you doing today?"

Now, as a preggo mommy in the very late stages of the first trimester (early second?), I'm always a little hesistant to go with my instinctive answer. Like when people you never really talk to pass you at work and ask how you are. They certainly don't expect the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, in response.

My mom, however, got the full treatment. "I'm feeling pretty lousy, and have all day. I can't seem to get off the couch, and my already-born offspring are tearing the house apart while the not-yet-birthed child(ren) makes me feel like tossing my cookies. How are you???" As it was, I thought I was pretty mild about it. I could've gone on...(and on)...

I think there should be a new etiquette for dealing with the "How are you?" conversational bomb during pregnancy. We could go with code, so as not to offend the more normal (read: less hormonal) sensibilities of society. Instead of the Internal Revenue System, we could have Internally Regurgitating Stuff. Or perhaps Profit aNd Loss reports could be transformed into, Puking Nightly Lots statements. Or maybe we pregnant women should just stick with what people expect to hear anyway, because, face it, we really are Forgetful Irritable Nauseous and Exhausted.