Just like Judas

This morning's Sunday School lesson was difficult for me. I was portraying Judas Iscariot, the betrayer of Jesus. I screamed and yelled as I voiced his frustrations. Three years, wasted! Following a Messiah who refused to act! Who gathered no army! Who would never take the reigns from Rome! Judas, who determined the only way to get his way was to betray Him. Who ate bread that Christ Himself dipped in wine, and then left to rat Him out. Who took 30 pieces of silver and gave them God.

I became Judas, who fell to the ground with the others when Jesus merely spoke His name. Judas, who watched Him captured, tortured, and killed. Judas, whose heart was blackened by lies, by greedy desires, and by a betrayal that could never be undone. Judas, whose master plan unraveled as the Master that he'd served slowly died.

As I finished my skit, I fled the room just as I imagine Judas might have. Running from the scene, the sin, the Savior. I finally sat on the cold concrete floor, crying. The reality of my own sin, my lies, my many betrayals stung me. I am Judas, the betrayer. I am the one who sold God to Satan for the sake of my own ambitions. I am just like him...

Except for hope. I sat there, knowing how much I deserve hatred. Knowing how impossible it is to undo my sin. And knowing that God Himself sees it all. He sees me and He knows...O the things He knows. I felt the whole weight of darkness, the darkness that must have pressed in on Judas, pressing down on me too. Except for hope. The hope of Easter which reminds me that death doesn't conquer, that God triumphs over betrayal. That He loves. He heals. He forgives.

Today in my lesson, I felt the whole horror of that Good Friday as I saw myself in the role of the villian. Then these words in Romans came to my mind. They seeped like a salve into my soul. I am so blessed that for me, even though so much of me is just like Judas, every day is Easter. I pray that it will be true for you, too.

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

For the law of the Spirit of life in Jesus Christ

has set you free from the law of sin and death."

--Romans 8:1-2